I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
