After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
