How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
