i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
