Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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