Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just invented taco cereal.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my liver is dry heaving
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
