Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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