I think i peed on brittanys purse
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
