i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
