And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
id be glad to
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
