i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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