last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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