My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
