You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
