this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I did not marry a roomba.
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