I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
