i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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