and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
