Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize