Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
