My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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