And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
