he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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