somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I supernannyed him into submission
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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