just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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