we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
