Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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