Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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