I CAN MOONWALK!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
