you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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