Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
These tits shall not be calmed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
