youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
