My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
