Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
