I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
