I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
