Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
