No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
