You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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