did you get engaged???
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
