I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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