You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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