hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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