I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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