How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
