you guys were way drunker than both of me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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