put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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