Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
