Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
