Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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