It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
