Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
