last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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