capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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