matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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