Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
