I CAN MOONWALK!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
