Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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