She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
