This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
