The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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