he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had sex on a roof
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
