and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
