PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
